Some teenagers have a powerful desire to search for their birth parents. In fact, their need to connect is so strong that they set out on a quest. Sometimes their search is successful; other times, it falls short of their expectations. In either case, the process is always complex. Here are the stories of two families who made the connection, and how it worked out for them.
Closing the Gap
Samantha was adopted at birth. But by the time she was 13, she had become preoccupied with her adoption and angry that she knew so little about her birth parents. Week after week in family therapy, Samantha asked to meet her birth parents—until finally, her mom and dad agreed to help her search. Two weeks before Samanthas fourteenth birthday, she was reunited with her birth mother and sister.
“Opening Samantha’s adoption helped her understand herself in ways she couldn’t before,” says her mother. “Her whole demeanor changed—it was as if a weight was lifted from her shoulders.” Says Samantha, “I needed to know where I came from, and now I do. I can’t believe I have a sister who laughs the same way I do—the genetic connection is so powerful!”
[Instant eBook: Raising Adoptive Children]
But Samantha’s reunion hasn’t been without challenges. Her birth mother and sister live in another state, which makes it hard to visit. Her birth and adoptive families have social and lifestyle differences. And Samantha still hasn’t found her birth father, of whom she’s heard only negative things. Nonetheless, the teen has no regrets. In her mind, it’s easier to deal with these current challenges than with the pain she once felt in knowing so little about her past.
Finding a Father
Like Samantha, Robin was adopted at birth. By the time she was 16, she sorely wanted to meet her birth parents. After exploring this desire in therapy, she and her family proceeded with a search. Before long, they located Robin’s birth father, who was married, with three young children, and living about an hour away.
After their reunion, Robin began spending every weekend at her birth father’s house. Her parents felt as if they were losing control over her and were concerned that Robin had given up her family and social life.
Fortunately, Robin and her parents were able to work out these issues. Robin said that she was making up for lost time by visiting her father so often. Her parents came to understand that initial obsession was very common in reunion experiences, and that it would likely abate over time. What’s more, Robins parents learned to set appropriate boundaries and limit her time with her birth father. Robin was helped to integrate these new relationships into her life.
